Accusation imbalance?

I’m hoping this is received in the manner it is meant. I’m a little skeptical that there is only a few women guilty of sexual harassment (and one is against another woman). I’ve seen and heard about all these accusations, the instant downfall of people who are accused (before their day in court). and yet there’s a complete lack of women being accused. Most of the “Hollywood Elite” are self important and entitled, and think they can do anything. And there aren’t women who have done the same as their male counterparts?

List of all Hollywood men accused of sexual assault and harassment

And then this one, that lists one female (and it was an accusation by another female):

Another list of Hollywood and music sexual harassment allegations

And now this one (this post was written a few weeks ago, I’ve just been a little hesitant to post it until now). A congresswoman, part of the “#MeToo” thing, is now being accused:

https://www.cbsnews.com/news/california-assemblywoman-cristina-garcia-accused-of-groping-daniel-fierro/

I’ll say this about the accusations. Will we ever learn if any of these are false, if they’re just accusations to “get something”. And before people jump all over me, saying that’s wrong thinking, I want you to know this: I was accused of sexual harassment when I was a manager at Petsmart. Yes. I was accused by an employee, female, who said I was inappropriate with her. Would you like the story, or just assume she was right?

You’re getting the story. I and this woman (we’ll call her Bianca) were talking while stocking or something. She was complaining that her boyfriend never wanted sex, and she always did. I laughed and said that we should swap since my husband at the time always wanted to and I didn’t.

I don’t know how long after that she went to the director, but I’m betting it was pretty quick.

Now why did she do that? Well, she was mad that she wasn’t getting full time status. And yes, after the dust settled (thankfully there wasn’t much dust since that director, despite being a dick, knew it wasn’t how she tried to describe it), she told one of the other women in the department that she hoped they’d finally give her full time to “make it up to her”. She even laughed about being taken seriously. Was she let go? Nope. She made the accusation, and was happy to grin at me every time we interacted.

I could have lost my job, and in this climate I likely would have…. all for commenting along with her. (she was not shy about anything she said, by the way. Did it with everyone).

So, yeah… I’m having a problem believing all of these are true, and that there are almost no women guilty. Have I been “harassed”? Probably, if you follow the general comments of everyone. Have I been assaulted? Yes, I have. A former boyfriend pushed and didn’t stop the first, oh, 10 times I told him to. And I was also the object of “asleep touching” (woke up to being ogled and “touched” while assumed to be asleep. And it happened a few times (of course, I got out of that relationship, and am better for it. Took a while, mostly because I had wanted to try to “stick it out”. But then I realized that was stupid, and it really wasn’t a big stigma anymore). What have I felt since? I’m stronger. I’m more determined to never let it happen again.

No, I’m not stupid enough to think that none of these are true, that this isn’t happening in Hollywood, in the music industry, and in every day life for women. I’m also not stupid enough to think that it’s an easy thing to get past. We DO need to treat assault accusations seriously. But we also have to get a handle on the “harassment” definition. It’s broad. I could have brought harassment charges against that dick director for his comments of “getting your panties in a wad”. Was it harassment? No, it wasn’t. Men are afraid to tell women they look good for fear of being accused (and don’t even try to argue that it hasn’t happened). Why aren’t women afraid? Why isn’t harassment against men treated the same? Why is it considered not masculine? That’s another thing we need to change.

I think we, as women, need to be the ones to start this conversation, to help make this change. Why is it a “female strength” thing? Are more women harassed? Yes, I won’t deny that. But why can’t we be “human’s against harassment”? Why are we constantly dividing ourselves in every way. We’re one race, we’re one people. When this stops being a “women’s issue”, we will have more strength… because we’ll have strength in numbers.

One Reply to “Accusation imbalance?”

  1. I have had those very thoughts but didn’t voice/post them. guess I thought no one would take them seriously and because I’m “older” wouldn’t be believed anyway. thank you for posting so eloquently. <3

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