Accusation imbalance?

I’m hoping this is received in the manner it is meant. I’m a little skeptical that there is only a few women guilty of sexual harassment (and one is against another woman). I’ve seen and heard about all these accusations, the instant downfall of people who are accused (before their day in court). and yet there’s a complete lack of women being accused. Most of the “Hollywood Elite” are self important and entitled, and think they can do anything. And there aren’t women who have done the same as their male counterparts?

List of all Hollywood men accused of sexual assault and harassment

And then this one, that lists one female (and it was an accusation by another female):

Another list of Hollywood and music sexual harassment allegations

And now this one (this post was written a few weeks ago, I’ve just been a little hesitant to post it until now). A congresswoman, part of the “#MeToo” thing, is now being accused:

https://www.cbsnews.com/news/california-assemblywoman-cristina-garcia-accused-of-groping-daniel-fierro/

I’ll say this about the accusations. Will we ever learn if any of these are false, if they’re just accusations to “get something”. And before people jump all over me, saying that’s wrong thinking, I want you to know this: I was accused of sexual harassment when I was a manager at Petsmart. Yes. I was accused by an employee, female, who said I was inappropriate with her. Would you like the story, or just assume she was right?

You’re getting the story. I and this woman (we’ll call her Bianca) were talking while stocking or something. She was complaining that her boyfriend never wanted sex, and she always did. I laughed and said that we should swap since my husband at the time always wanted to and I didn’t.

I don’t know how long after that she went to the director, but I’m betting it was pretty quick.

Now why did she do that? Well, she was mad that she wasn’t getting full time status. And yes, after the dust settled (thankfully there wasn’t much dust since that director, despite being a dick, knew it wasn’t how she tried to describe it), she told one of the other women in the department that she hoped they’d finally give her full time to “make it up to her”. She even laughed about being taken seriously. Was she let go? Nope. She made the accusation, and was happy to grin at me every time we interacted.

I could have lost my job, and in this climate I likely would have…. all for commenting along with her. (she was not shy about anything she said, by the way. Did it with everyone).

So, yeah… I’m having a problem believing all of these are true, and that there are almost no women guilty. Have I been “harassed”? Probably, if you follow the general comments of everyone. Have I been assaulted? Yes, I have. A former boyfriend pushed and didn’t stop the first, oh, 10 times I told him to. And I was also the object of “asleep touching” (woke up to being ogled and “touched” while assumed to be asleep. And it happened a few times (of course, I got out of that relationship, and am better for it. Took a while, mostly because I had wanted to try to “stick it out”. But then I realized that was stupid, and it really wasn’t a big stigma anymore). What have I felt since? I’m stronger. I’m more determined to never let it happen again.

No, I’m not stupid enough to think that none of these are true, that this isn’t happening in Hollywood, in the music industry, and in every day life for women. I’m also not stupid enough to think that it’s an easy thing to get past. We DO need to treat assault accusations seriously. But we also have to get a handle on the “harassment” definition. It’s broad. I could have brought harassment charges against that dick director for his comments of “getting your panties in a wad”. Was it harassment? No, it wasn’t. Men are afraid to tell women they look good for fear of being accused (and don’t even try to argue that it hasn’t happened). Why aren’t women afraid? Why isn’t harassment against men treated the same? Why is it considered not masculine? That’s another thing we need to change.

I think we, as women, need to be the ones to start this conversation, to help make this change. Why is it a “female strength” thing? Are more women harassed? Yes, I won’t deny that. But why can’t we be “human’s against harassment”? Why are we constantly dividing ourselves in every way. We’re one race, we’re one people. When this stops being a “women’s issue”, we will have more strength… because we’ll have strength in numbers.

Aaaaah, the internet…

Facebook somewhat reminds me of the old BBSes we used to be on, back before access to the “internet” was public for all to spew, er…. see. When I first started on Facebook, it was all pictures of friends and pets and selfies and the like. There were hundreds of invites for silly games and stupid quizzes and cute pictures.

Wow, has that changed. Nowadays, it’s all snipping at each other for different beliefs that we ALL knew at one time.

Here’s my thing,… it’s time to get over it. We are doing NO good sniveling at each other when there’s no chance of changing other people’s minds. What will actually happen is that we’ll alienate those around us, both friends and family alike. We will also alienate those friends of friends, making us look a fool and making that friend wonder why they would be friends with people that would “bully” us, and use terms like “I’m just surprised you feel that way”, which, at least to some, comes across as “Wow, I didn’t know I was smarter than you!”. Or how about “your so-in-so supporting friends are idiots.” Bravo. At least you’ve gotten some people to agree with you, but your friend now has a bunch of people rolling their eyes… and possibly unfriending them so they don’t have to see your crap.

And it never stops. I re-followed someone on Facebook because I was told they weren’t sharing political stuff anymore, and 2 days after I started seeing their posts on my feed, there was a ridiculous political meme. If it was an article from a “reliable” news source (and, honestly, I don’t think there are really any of those anymore, but at least if it was from one of the big ones, ok), I’d have just scrolled on past. I’m getting rather good at that. But no, it was useless rubbish. So, back on the unfollow list they went. Maybe in another 6 months I’ll revisit the list.

But more just keep getting added. I’m over it. I don’t care what side it’s from, I’m over it. It’s all a load of bullshit. ALL of it, both sides. And I’m just not going to be subjected to it anymore.

Here’s a clue: No one except those that feel exactly the same as you care about your memes and political pictures and quotes and jokes, and even some of those people don’t care either. “Alternate facts” and Madonna and Mylie the crotch grinders complaining about Trumps lack of morals, and possibly being willing to unplug life support to charge a phone… And the more you complain about the “other side” while still posting this drivel because it’s “funny”. No, it stopped being funny a long time ago… As in, before the internet was even online.

At least if you have something to say, say it yourself. Don’t post someone else’s post with no comment of your own because you agree with “most” or “some” of it. Yeah, I share stuff… but you’ll notice that I have a comment to make about it, something I wrote myself.

And I have my blog. I’ve been using it more because it allows me to write what I want without completely covering everyone’s feed with what I think is important. It’s one little link that people can choose to click on or not click on.

As far as me only wanting to deal with people that think the way I do… My best friend and I are very opposed when it comes to political stuff. And I love her dearly. She will always be my best friend, I will always be there for her whenever she needs me. We have discussed politics on occasion, and then we move on to other things after we agree to disagree. We actually LISTEN to what the other person has to say, and sometimes we add our own views to it. But I don’t have to deal with “You’re obviously a racist because you feel that way” and she doesn’t have to deal with “You’re a special kind of stupid” (these are both paraphrased things I’ve seen written either in comments or in memes, nothing we have either said to each other).

So, think before you share that next meme or post or “news” story. Is that how you really want to be viewed by your family and friends? Do you agree with everything it says? How would you feel if someone made the opposite comment/joke about you?

Yeah, that’s what I thought. Now, if y’all will excuse me, I’m going to spend some time away from the computer and on more important things… like my shrink appointment. I have two this week. My mental stability is a little off at the moment, and I’m thinking a “vacation” might be in order.

The perceived pussification of the human male (American male?)

I’ve noticed a long running trend about men… they’re pansies, they leave their clothes laying around and won’t put them in the hamper, they leave empty plates laying around, they can’t handle being sick, they get the “man cold” which is a death sentence compared to what women get, yada, yada, yada…

I don’t buy it. Are there men out there like that? Sure there are. But I’m amazed at what gets shared/spread around the interwebs about men.

First, they’re chauvinists, they make rude comments about women, they keep women under their heal, they’re dismissive, they’re nasty. Any woman that says they haven’t had this happen to them are, of course, lying or clueless. Well, guess what. I’ve had the cat calls, I’ve had the comments, I’ve dealt with the rudeness, and I’ve survived. Why? Maybe because I dismiss it out of hand. I don’t allow it to control me. I don’t immediately get on Facebook/Twitter, etc, and tell everyone about how some man looked at my butt. That man (not all men) is a jerk, and I have better things to do than give him any of my precious time that could be better spent on jewelry, or art, or video games. But what if someone grabs me? They’re getting decked, plain and simple. I’m not a victim.

Second, this whole “man cold”. Oh please. I guarantee there are plenty of men out there that get up, go to work, take care of what needs to be done, all while sniffling into a paper towel (I have noticed they don’t always use tissues). Yeah, there are some that are babies when they get sick… and there are women that are babies when they get sick. But if “I” only report the babies, it makes ALL men look bad, and that, I believe, is the goal of this kind of thing. Same as any commercial or TV show that portrays men as bumbling, clueless, inept wastes of life. Disgusting.

What happens when a man posts something similar about woman? A woman being a baby and not getting out of bed because she’s sick? Oh, women are all on her side, saying she takes care of so much in the house, she deserves to lie down when she’s sick. How dare that man question her!

Sick of it. Just completely sick of it.

And if your man really does leave his stuff laying around, find a way to get him to help. Nagging isn’t going to do it. A simple “I would appreciate it if you’d make sure your clothes get into the hamper, please. It saves me the time to gather up everything”. And if he does it? Hug. Kiss. You notice he did it all on his own later? A hug and a “Thank you so much for getting your stuff in the laundry! It means a lot that you care about me that much!”

A relationship is a give and take. Learn to make it work

I think it’s a little telling…

As I’ve driving around our little historic town, I’ve seen MANY political signs in yards, medians, on fences, etc. And there are a lot of them. I’ve seen the same thing in years past, as I’m sure everyone has. But I’ve noticed something a little different this year.

There seems to be a lack of presidential campaign signs.

Oh, I’ve seen them for sure, both sides. But there have been many, many times I’ve passed a “field” of signs and there’s not a Trump or Clinton sign to be seen. And it’s been on both sides. Lots of Democrat signs for senators, councilmen, governor, but no Clinton sign. Lots of Republican signs for lieutenant governor, attorney general, state treasurer, but no Trump sign.

I think it’s proof that even the people that will put signs on their lawn don’t like our choices.

As for myself, I wouldn’t put one up either. I think most of my friends/family/acquaintances know my general politics, and I’m not happy with what we have to work with. And I’m terrified of what the future of this country will be. But here we are and I guess we just have to work with it.

If you’re educated, you know what “your” candidate stands for, what their past really is, what they say they will do (and if their past shows they are actually telling the truth), than vote. I will say I pretty much stand with Mike Rowe when it comes to telling everyone to get out and vote, and I don’t see the need to repeat it in my own words. He’s done it quite well.

Mike Rowe on encouraging everyone to vote

For now… all I can hope is that things will get better, but I don’t have a lot of faith in that. So instead, I will hope that everyone is safe tomorrow and in the days ahead.

Is the proof in the pudding?

So, there’s been another shooting involving a police officer and a citizen who was, of course, completely innocent. Do I know what actually happened? Nope, and neither does ANYONE else until the footage is released. And the saddest part? It won’t matter WHAT that footage shows, people will believe what they want to believe.

The biggest thing I have to say about all of it is this: All that’s happening with these “protests”, and I’m using that term VERY loosely, is that they are giving those people who say/believe that black people are violent, dangerous, animalistic, uncivilized, etc., the “proof” that they need to keep saying/believing so.

And if these “protesters” had any kind of sense, they’d realize that and it might stop at least half of them.

Nothing is going to change until the shooting stops. I will say that if I were a police officer, having seen how much violence has been pointed in my direction, I’d be jumpy and more likely to shoot. Mind you, I’m not a police officer and I haven’t had the training they have. But I can somewhat understand why it seems these shootings have gotten more prevalent.

But are they really? How much of it is the way it’s always been, but because of our social media environment we’re hearing about them, and getting “information” before any of the real facts can come out? Because once this stuff gets out there, people have already made up their mind about the “facts” so that when they actually do, they’re able to twist those facts to say what they want them to say. It’s this kind of thing that causes trials to be moved because they alleged can’t get a fair trial where the crime has been committed due to news and public opinion having already been set.

So, what does this all boil down to? I’m disgusted, and I know nothing is going to change until either the police stop trying to defend themselves against an enemy that has sometimes shown itself so they have to “jump the gun”, or the folks being shot start following direction when they’re stopped by police for whatever reason. One of the sides needs to back off… and, unfortunately I don’t see that happening.

And that scares me because it’s only going to get worse and worse… and we can’t afford to buy a house out away from everyone and put up a tall, electrified wall to keep anyone out.

Double standards

I’ve seen it time and time again. It’s ok to bash/flame/degrade certain groups, and people that do so often get defended when someone of that group tries to stand up for themselves/their group.

Why is this ok?

I want you to think of how many times you have said something derogatory about a general group of people: men, republicans, democrats, southerners, cat lovers… a group that it seems to be generally acceptable to be put down. Now, I want you to change that word to black, or mexican, or jewish… See how it’s suddenly not something to be defended anymore? Why? Why not be able to generally blame a nasty/vicious/stupid act on a group that you think shouldn’t be picked on? Where does the line get drawn?

When you’re not generally part of a group, and you only hear about that group from friends/news/jokes/anecdotes, why are you allowed to defend someone who has said something nasty or rude about that group? Sometimes going so far as to use another comment/joke/often talked about but maybe not as true as you think it really is to defend yourself/friend/person that you agree with?

I want y’all to think about that the next time you see a basher get called out on something. Before you defend them, would you defend them if they were saying something against a group you like?

Food for thought.

The joys of Social Media

I’ve noticed as time goes on, I spend less and less times on Facebook. It’s not a matter of boredom, it’s more a matter of not wanting to deal with the drivel, stupidity and hate that’s involved on there so much. There’s only so much I can take

What kinds of things? I pointed out one earlier. The posting of “Hey, we’re getting other cars in trouble on purpose because they have the bumper sticker of the opposite candidate that we don’t like”. There’s also the “Her/His hair is ridiculous, are we really going to vote for that hair?!”

And then not even related to the election are the posts from those who don’t live in the US telling us what we should and shouldn’t allow to happen, and how our constitution should be interpreted. Of course, our country affects yours. But that doesn’t give you a say in what we, the real citizens of this country vote on and fight for. We have our reasons for our beliefs and will stick to them. Worry about your own country.

So, yeah… I find myself less and less being involved. I guess that kind of thing goes in cycles (just like the old BBS systems did and the forums did/do)… and I appear to be on a down cycle.

Trying to find a way to enjoy myself more… I’ve unfollowed some folks that are being way too “vocal”, and trying to remember to check in on those that I care about (since Facebook doesn’t want to give me what I want willingly). I can see myself doing a little more blogging, and I’m also trying to find a way to market my jewelry/art more. It’s going to involve work, and my friends will know how good I am with that.

High on the list, though, is my Bon story. It’s currently called “The Matriarch” and will have my painting of her on the cover… and is written by here. I’m planning on publishing so it will eventually be for sale somewhere, and I will post that when it happens, as well as posting the first chapter or two to get people interested in it.

So much stuff happening! Maybe not spending as much time on social media might not be a bad thing…

Racism?

So, I listened to a young kid the other day talking about his pet shedding all over the living room. And then the words that came out of his mouth stopped me in my tracks and sent me on an internal dialog that occupied me for a while then, and has replayed in my head quite a few times since.

“This isn’t racist. There was black hair everywhere.”

What? How does that even work? Are be getting so sensitive about this that the word “black” is going to be something we’re not allowed to say anymore without a caveat? That is just ridiculous if that’s going to be even something a few people try to make common practice.

I will never pretend to have any idea what folks of African or likewise heritage have been through. I’m about as white as they come, grew up in suburbs and rural areas, very little exposure to anyone that wasn’t of “European” descent (the darkest folks I usually had contact with were Italians). But are we really going to go that sensitive? To me, that would seem to be creating MORE of a rift between people rather than creating understanding and tolerance.

I’m not sure what the answer is, but I don’t believe this is it. Neither is taking away words from people. I know there’s a lot of “I’m offended by that word/phrase so you shouldn’t be able to say it anymore.” I wonder how many of those people would have been offended by it if they weren’t told to be offended by it from other people.

We’re headed in the wrong direction in my opinion. And the idea of anyone thinking that talking about their pet making a black furry mess on the floor could be construed as “racist” is a sad, sad state of affairs.

It’s a cruel, cruel world

I’m getting blown away with the world lately, and how mean we’ve gotten to each other. As I wander through Facebook, news sites, or just in the real world, I’m stunned at the stuff that people post/say/do that’s becoming the norm.

Obviously the election has everyone very polarized and I get it… but do we need the nasty memes to go along with it? The Pope smacking Hillary and making everyone in the stadium happy, retirees baiting police to keep writing tickets for a badly parked car because of Trump bumper stickers… and that’s not all there is. Posts celebrating someone squirting someone else with boob milk because she wanted her to move. Posts about revenge. Posts about how stupid people (adults) who play games are when it doesn’t affect you at all.

And let’s talk about real life. Almost no one on my street knows how to park to allow everyone else to park in front of their own house. Trying to pull out of a parking lot is impossible. No one will move over if you need to merge coming onto the highway (and there’s no one in the lane next to them so it’s not like they can’t move over), people cutting other people off, not moving over when you see someone coming down the same aisle as you at the store.

What happened to us? Yes, there’s a “anonymity” that comes with being online, but when your friends/family see you post this stuff? They know who you are. And yes, they’re likely judging you. And out in public? Gee, you’re in a car, of course you’re safe. But why be rude?

When I see supposedly “Christian” people bashing each other, they’re not actually Christian to me. I have respect for those that actually follow their religion’s teaching. Unfortunately, it seems like it’s becoming rare. The “Wiccan” philosophy (rede) is the same. Harm none. And yet it’s easy to bash Christians because “they deserve it”.

I’m tired and disgusted with way too many of my “fellow man”.

Wow…

I got an email the other day telling me this domain was up for renewal… and reminded me that I DID have 3 domain names! 😛 The things that you forget when you’re a big computer geek.

So, we’re keeping it for another few years. Hoping to keep up on it a little it more. Not promising anything, mind you, but might try. I’ll put it in my start up tabs and that will help at least maybe!

What will this become? Random ramblings? Maybe stuff along the Republican lines. Maybe stuff along the libertarian line. Maybe stuff along the “take care of people around you’ line.

Maybe it’ll just me bitching about my MS treatment (more about that in a minute). Maybe it’ll be more bitching about life in Salisbury. Maybe it’ll be the wonderful thing.