Category: Ranting

Double standards

I’ve seen it time and time again. It’s ok to bash/flame/degrade certain groups, and people that do so often get defended when someone of that group tries to stand up for themselves/their group.

Why is this ok?

I want you to think of how many times you have said something derogatory about a general group of people: men, republicans, democrats, southerners, cat lovers… a group that it seems to be generally acceptable to be put down. Now, I want you to change that word to black, or mexican, or jewish… See how it’s suddenly not something to be defended anymore? Why? Why not be able to generally blame a nasty/vicious/stupid act on a group that you think shouldn’t be picked on? Where does the line get drawn?

When you’re not generally part of a group, and you only hear about that group from friends/news/jokes/anecdotes, why are you allowed to defend someone who has said something nasty or rude about that group? Sometimes going so far as to use another comment/joke/often talked about but maybe not as true as you think it really is to defend yourself/friend/person that you agree with?

I want y’all to think about that the next time you see a basher get called out on something. Before you defend them, would you defend them if they were saying something against a group you like?

Food for thought.

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The joys of Social Media

I’ve noticed as time goes on, I spend less and less times on Facebook. It’s not a matter of boredom, it’s more a matter of not wanting to deal with the drivel, stupidity and hate that’s involved on there so much. There’s only so much I can take

What kinds of things? I pointed out one earlier. The posting of “Hey, we’re getting other cars in trouble on purpose because they have the bumper sticker of the opposite candidate that we don’t like”. There’s also the “Her/His hair is ridiculous, are we really going to vote for that hair?!”

And then not even related to the election are the posts from those who don’t live in the US telling us what we should and shouldn’t allow to happen, and how our constitution should be interpreted. Of course, our country affects yours. But that doesn’t give you a say in what we, the real citizens of this country vote on and fight for. We have our reasons for our beliefs and will stick to them. Worry about your own country.

So, yeah… I find myself less and less being involved. I guess that kind of thing goes in cycles (just like the old BBS systems did and the forums did/do)… and I appear to be on a down cycle.

Trying to find a way to enjoy myself more… I’ve unfollowed some folks that are being way too “vocal”, and trying to remember to check in on those that I care about (since Facebook doesn’t want to give me what I want willingly). I can see myself doing a little more blogging, and I’m also trying to find a way to market my jewelry/art more. It’s going to involve work, and my friends will know how good I am with that.

High on the list, though, is my Bon story. It’s currently called “The Matriarch” and will have my painting of her on the cover. I’m planning on publishing so it will eventually be for sale somewhere, and I will post that when it happens, as well as posting the first chapter or two to get people interested in it.

So much stuff happening! Maybe not spending as much time on social media might not be a bad thing…

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So, I listened to a young kid the other day talking about his pet shedding all over the living room. And then the words that came out of his mouth stopped me in my tracks and sent me on an internal dialog that occupied me for a while then, and has replayed in my head quite a few times since.

“This isn’t racist. There was black hair everywhere.”

What? How does that even work? Are be getting so sensitive about this that the word “black” is going to be something we’re not allowed to say anymore without a caveat? That is just ridiculous if that’s going to be even something a few people try to make common practice.

I will never pretend to have any idea what folks of African or likewise heritage have been through. I’m about as white as they come, grew up in suburbs and rural areas, very little exposure to anyone that wasn’t of “European” descent (the darkest folks I usually had contact with were Italians). But are we really going to go that sensitive? To me, that would seem to be creating MORE of a rift between people rather than creating understanding and tolerance.

I’m not sure what the answer is, but I don’t believe this is it. Neither is taking away words from people. I know there’s a lot of “I’m offended by that word/phrase so you shouldn’t be able to say it anymore.” I wonder how many of those people would have been offended by it if they weren’t told to be offended by it from other people.

We’re headed in the wrong direction in my opinion. And the idea of anyone thinking that talking about their pet making a black furry mess on the floor could be construed as “racist” is a sad, sad state of affairs.

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It’s a cruel, cruel world

I’m getting blown away with the world lately, and how mean we’ve gotten to each other. As I wander through Facebook, news sites, or just in the real world, I’m stunned at the stuff that people post/say/do that’s becoming the norm.

Obviously the election has everyone very polarized and I get it… but do we need the nasty memes to go along with it? The Pope smacking Hillary and making everyone in the stadium happy, retirees baiting police to keep writing tickets for a badly parked car because of Trump bumper stickers… and that’s not all there is. Posts celebrating someone squirting someone else with boob milk because she wanted her to move. Posts about revenge. Posts about how stupid people (adults) who play games are when it doesn’t affect you at all.

And let’s talk about real life. Almost no one on my street knows how to park to allow everyone else to park in front of their own house. Trying to pull out of a parking lot is impossible. No one will move over if you need to merge coming onto the highway (and there’s no one in the lane next to them so it’s not like they can’t move over), people cutting other people off, not moving over when you see someone coming down the same aisle as you at the store.

What happened to us? Yes, there’s a “anonymity” that comes with being online, but when your friends/family see you post this stuff? They know who you are. And yes, they’re likely judging you. And out in public? Gee, you’re in a car, of course you’re safe. But why be rude?

When I see supposedly “Christian” people bashing each other, they’re not actually Christian to me. I have respect for those that actually follow their religion’s teaching. Unfortunately, it seems like it’s becoming rare. The “Wiccan” philosophy (rede) is the same. Harm none. And yet it’s easy to bash Christians because “they deserve it”.

I’m tired and disgusted with way too many of my “fellow man”.

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I got an email the other day telling me this domain was up for renewal… and reminded me that I DID have 3 domain names! 😛 The things that you forget when you’re a big computer geek.

So, we’re keeping it for another few years. Hoping to keep up on it a little it more. Not promising anything, mind you, but might try. I’ll put it in my start up tabs and that will help at least maybe!

What will this become? Random ramblings? Maybe stuff along the Republican lines. Maybe stuff along the libertarian line. Maybe stuff along the “take care of people around you’ line.

Maybe it’ll just me bitching about my MS treatment (more about that in a minute). Maybe it’ll be more bitching about life in Salisbury. Maybe it’ll be the wonderful thing.

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Anxiety, panic attacks and other brain issues

Some days an anxiety will take hold in my brain and it just won’t let go. Often times it’s not even related to anything that should be causing anxiety (the loss of our pets, the situation with my family, vehicle issues), it’s just something that “switches on” and I can’t turn it back off again. These are the times that the Ativan is made for, but at the same time I hate to fall back to it (I will, but I prefer to see if I can beat it by myself first) (Oh, and the Ativan is my take when needed anxiety pill, but I worry about becoming dependent on it so I take it sparingly), and that can sometimes increase the anxiety. These kinds of days now come much less often, but they’re still bad when they come.

Think of the most stressful day at work or personal situation you’ve ever had. Think of how your mind runs at a thousand miles an hour and you can’t think straight. Think of the knot you get in your stomach or the lump in your throat because of what’s going on. That’s what this feels like. Now, make it about nothing at all, or something as simple as “The light bulb burned out when I flipped the light switch!” and you might understand why people don’t often talk about it when it happens to them. When I feel like this, I hesitate to say anything about it because there’s no “concrete” cause for it and often people don’t understand it.

But the brain is a very complex thing and we don’t understand it even an eighth as much as a dog understand how an engine works. The brain can help us or it can hinder us (and sometimes, both at the same time). We can affect it in some ways with medications, but we’re not even always sure why it gets affected the way it does (or why it will work one way for one person and not the same for another person).

Remember this when you’re tempted to tell someone to “Just shake it off” or “It’s all in your head”. Yes, it IS all in my head, and that’s the problem. No one in their right mind would want this kind of thing to be a regular occurrence… but then I suppose you could say I’m not necessarily in my right mind. Regardless, I’d love to never have to deal with this again.

Unfortunately, this is the brain I was born with and I have to make do with it as best I can. I can’t change it anymore than I can change where my heart is, who my parents are, and the hospital I was born in. I can dye my hair, but it’s still going to grow out my original color. I can wear colored contacts, but my eyes underneath will still always be blue. I could pretend to not have mental illness, but it’s not going to change the fact that I do. It’s the way it is, and I manage with the help of a fantastically supportive husband, wonderful family and friends who don’t judge me, and sometimes a little white pill with “RX 7” embossed on it.

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There’s a lot of hubbub about “Duck Dynasty” and an interview with their “patriarch”, Phil. I’ve not watched the show myself (not really interested in it), but you’d have to be blind to not see it everywhere. They’re a phenomenon. And now it appears to be falling apart… but I don’t think the duck people will suffer much for it. I think it’ll be bad for the network that’s hosted them and is now trying to publicly punish them for exercising their free speech. Yes, I said it. Free Speech. That’s what it IS. You might not like the speech, you might not like what’s said, but he has a right to say it. He has a right to feel it.

You can’t like them because of their beliefs? Then don’t watch it anymore. They will likely lose some fans, and they will likely gain fans all at the same time. I don’t agree with his statement, but I believe in his right to believe it. I believe in his right to say how he feels, and am honestly getting sick of censorship being one sided. Christians aren’t allowed to say how they feel unless they’re being ‘tolerant’ and ‘accommodating’, but god forbid anyone be tolerant of Christian beliefs. Do all Christians feel that way? Nope, not by a long shot. But some do. No one is going to change their opinion, and by constantly pushing them and trying to force them to be accepting, they’re being pushed further into their cozy corner.

A&E has never been unaware that these people are staunch Christians? If they claim they weren’t, then they were incredibly ignorant. Some Christians have this belief, and they are being figuratively nailed to the cross for having it. We as a society are more tolerant and accepting of muslims who abuse their wives and want to follow their own sets of laws, of skirt chasing and drug doing politicians who don’t follow the laws they vote in, of loud mouth celebrities who trample all over the idea of marriage and family than we are of the general Christian religion, and it’s honestly sad to me.

And keep in mine, I’m NOT Christian, but I know what it feels like to be discriminated against, I know what it’s like to have to be careful what I say and what I do. At some point someone decided that it’s time to “get back at” the “Christians”. It’s not something I want to be involved in, that’s for sure. It’s a disgusting practice and just encourages more distance, more hate, more fighting.

If you’re going to scream for tolerance, I suggest you look in the mirror first and see if you’re being tolerant of other people. I say tolerance for all or tolerance for none.

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I’m angry at life…

I know this might upset some people and for that I apologize, but it has to come out. The language here might not be for the faint of heart. This will likely be a long, drawn out, rambling diatribe, but as I don’t have a lot of blog viewers I’m fine with that.

And if you’re not aware, I’ve recently lost my baby boy, Remi, my big fuzzy boy, my mostly perfect ‘little’ standard poodle who was like a big teddy bear. This still hurts a LOT. If you find that to be a silly or ridiculous thing for a person to still be agonizing over weeks later, just delete this link (and me off your Facebook friends if that’s how you came to this) and be done with me. My animals ARE my kids (and they are better behaved than most people’s kids, honestly), and that’s the way it is.

I’m angry. Very, very angry.

I’m angry that we didn’t know something was wrong with Remi before it was ‘too late’. I’m angry with him for not letting us know he wasn’t feeling well. I’m angry at him for not being a stronger dog like Bon that would have been likely able to withstand a lot of pain annoyance and surgery. I’m angry that I was left without the one dog that doesn’t drive me absolutely batshit insane all the time, the one that behaved and didn’t act like a nuisance.

I’m angry that I feel dumb for being so torn up about “just a dog” even though I know he (and the rest) are not “just animals”.

I’m angry at Granny who passed away in 2002 for likely knowing something was wrong with her and not letting anyone know. I’m angry that she just left me and didn’t get to come to our wedding or be there to pick on me for silly things. I’m angry she didn’t get to see us purchase a home. I’m angry that I see people at work her age that make me think of the fact that I don’t have her anymore. I’m angry I hadn’t seen her since the previous year because I lived so far away. I’m angry I didn’t send her the Elvis playing cards I’d bought for her before she passed away.

I’m angry at Uncle Bill for KNOWING something was wrong with him and never letting me know, for never letting me see him one more time where he wasn’t on his death bed, unresponsive. I’m angry I never really got to say goodbye or get to have a hug from him. I’m angry at him for not actually having been my father, even knowing he wouldn’t have been a perfect one. I’m angry I don’t really have anything to remember him by.

I’m angry at Phantom for having been the second important death in my life that I wasn’t prepared for and that gave me no warning or ability to do anything. I’m angry at myself for not seeing something that I feel like I should have noticed (even though there wasn’t anything to notice) until the night before she died. I’m angry she didn’t spend more time with us and for making Remi mourn her for months after she was gone.

I’m angry at the terms “passed away” or “put down” or “put to sleep”.

I’m angry with an ex-“friend” who felt it was ok to call me out in “public” for being rude to him, although it was in response to him being condescending with me. I’m angry that he never said one thing to me that he was upset until he blind sided me with how disrespectful I was to him to EVERYONE else on my website. I’m angry that he got support for this and I got nothing at the time. I’m angry at the words he said to me later when I told him how I felt privately and how I should “have a nice life”.

I’m angry that I have signed cards and given at work for stuff for coworkers, but when something happens to me I get a few hugs, one card from a very dear and loved coworker and some uncomfortable sorrys and that’s it. I’m angry that things have gotten better and that I’ve been more friendly and chatty with folks but I still feel like an outsider in a place where half the people I work with have been there less time than I have.

I’m angry at people that are two sided, that say one thing to me and then something else entirely to someone else.

I’m angry at people who talk about their pets who get to live to be 16 and 18 and older, and I don’t. I’m angry that I feel like I’m doing something wrong and not caring for them well enough.

I’m angry that when I feel angry I can’t actually BE angry, I have to cry like a fucking blubbering idiot and I can’t make myself understood or actually relieve any of my stress.

I’m just angry… and I just don’t know what to do about it….

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Has anyone seen Courtesy? Has she finally left us for good?

Driving home from work today I was cut off by someone that waited till the last minute to get off at the exit they needed. He cut me off and the person next to me to get two lanes over onto an exit that is marked for at least a mile (and has been there forever, or at least his forever). Because he almost hit me and I had to slam on my breaks, I also hit my horn hoping he might wake up and realize there were people around him. Instead he slowed down after cutting off the person next to me to give me the finger.

I already knew your IQ buddy, but thanks for the verification.

I should be used to drivers like that, I grew up in NY. I drive through many states every year to go home to visit and Ohio is by far the worst. People in NY often would just as soon run you over as even notice you, and Ohio doesn’t even bother to think about it. Georgia drivers can often rival Ohio, and living on the border of said state I can tell you it’s often easy to tell where someone is from without even looking at the license plate.

Someone should go find Courtesy, she’s sorely missed. At least by some of us.

One of the things I’ve loved about Tennessee are the people, and that has also extended to their driving habits. I’ve seen more people let people out in traffic, wave someone through a stop sign, and generally just smile and be considerate of each other in the last 7 years than I’d seen in my ENTIRE LIFE in NY. Or Houston. It’s been wonderful and I’ve adopted the habits. Is it so very important for me to get to Walmart to buy vacuum bags that I can’t let someone come out of a parking lot when I’m already stopped or am about to stop? Am I in such a hurry to get home an extra minute or two early that I can’t stay stopped for another 30 seconds to let other people go ahead of me? Why are we rushing all over the place to often then just wait in line or sit around doing nothing?

The sad part for me is it’s starting to happen down here, too. People are getting rushed and, thus, rude. And it’s sad. Just so very sad.

I’ve been spoiled by it. When we go to NY to visit, one of my favorite things is to be courteous to people on the road. Yes, part of it is because it tends to freak them out (heh, I’ve got a mischievous side, of course), but also because there’s a part of me hoping it’ll make their day. Maybe they’ve been treated like crap all day by customers and they’re on their way home… and you just let them get out of the parking lot when they didn’t see a chance of it happening… and they smiled. Might have been the first real smile of the day. Might be their ONLY real smile of the day.

It’s a nice thought, isn’t it?

I’ve seen and heard family and friends in NY while they’re driving complaining about the drivers, and saying ‘No, I’m not gonna let you in, don’t even bother’. Is the person they’re shunning the one giving them grief? Likely not, no. It’s a side effect of being annoyed by others. But why? Because it’s easier to just be angry. It’s easier to just push ahead and not let anyone out ahead of you, even though you’re sitting still and aren’t going anywhere.

I’ve been guilty of it too, especially on the highway when the lanes go from 3 to 2. People who run along the side to get in ahead of people who’ve been waiting there. And yes, I understand it. Those people are being actively rude, they are often trying to cut ahead. Some of them are just clueless and don’t realize the lane is closing, granted, but some… just rude.

But they’re not the same as people sitting in a parking lot or side road waiting to turn. Those people are just there, just like you’ve been there waiting and complaining about how no one will let you out. Aren’t you then that person to be complained about?

I’m always surprised that otherwise very considerate and friendly people get so nasty in the car and won’t give even an inch. They would often times give the shirt off their back to a person in need, but they hurry up to close the gap when they’re driving so no one gets ahead of them.

Are we all in so much of a hurry to get to the next part of our life that we’re actually missing parts of our lives?

And what are our kids learning? They’re in the back seat or the passenger seat, and they’re seeing the lack of courtesy. They’re hearing the ‘No, I’m not letting you in’ and they’re soaking that up and storing it for future knowledge. They’re learning from actions that I bet we don’t really want them to learn from. We’re missing a wonderful opportunity to show our kids that courtesy extends to everywhere, and it doesn’t matter what’s going on. Missing it big time.

I can say that what I see here in the south are young drivers acting like jerks. They’re learning the wrong lesson… and it could actually be killing them when you look at accident records and ‘road rage’ incidents.

If you see yourself in anything I’ve said, ask yourself…. why?


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Definition of HYPOCRITE

1: a person who puts on a false appearance of virtue or religion

2: a person who acts in contradiction to his or her stated beliefs or feelings

With that out of the way, now… how can people boohoo about something happening to them and then turn around and do the same to someone else?

I HATE HATE HATE HATE generalizations.  Hate them with a passion. I know I’ve used them, and usually cringed afterwards for doing so. We all do it. It happens. But I would think that when someone is just been upset about themselves being grouped together with people have been bad and done bad by someone he calls a friend that was being “aggressive, angry and hateful” would not then turn around and say and do the same thing to another group of people, no matter if he didn’t have much respect for that group of people. Broadly saying a group “ fit the profile of a classic abuser”, and especially knowing that at least one of the folks you’re friends with is part of said group and doesn’t even remotely fit that profile…. AND that said person just ‘stood up for’ that person who was feeling pained for having to deal with that aggression and anger against his own group…

*sigh* Can we all just stop doing our damnedness to get the ‘other sides’ goat by linking to articles written by the most extreme of the group to ‘prove’ your point? All you’re proving is that you can really do good at reading on side of things and not look at the whole picture.

Good, congrats, bravo, you just succeeded at being a closed minded idiot. Here, have a cookie.

I really don’t link much for articles anymore, and then only link what I read and feel isn’t so terribly onsided as to use intimidation attempts or loaded words and emotions to paint ‘the other side’ with. If I see facts, I’ll point out those facts. If there’s a lot of fluff and uselessness around those facts, I’ll try to find an article that has just those facts with out all the baggage along with it that is nothing but opinion that I, and those that read the article I link, can form on their own once they get those facts.

*fume fume fume* Just. Drives. Me. Nuts….

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